Long time no see...

I rarely visit this website nowadays (that's not really news, I haven't been active since '11 or '12), but this place keeps drawing me back for some reason. I like to check on all the old age Madness animators who used to be active back in '08-'09. It's interesting to see how their life has progressed and if they're still active on this website. I don't know... Newgrounds holds a very special place in my heart. The Madness community inspired me to animate at a young age, and all the memories of starting new projects, scrapping them, starting new ones again etc... I don't know, there was something magical about that time in my life.

I find myself nostalgic about 2008-2009 & wishing I could go back to that time. The passion I had for animating (even though I wasn't good at it) and trying my absolute hardest to fit into the community. And just life in general, really. I feel like I had a whole different kind of energy back then as a kid.

Now everything seems gloomy & stressful. Depression and anxiety is slowly taking over my life. I haven't felt truly happy in a very long time. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with. Don't get me wrong, I have friends and I love them to death. But they wouldn't understand. I don't want to burden them with my feelings, and even though they might be supportive at first, there's always a breaking point where you don't really want to associate with someone who cries to you all the time.

It's crazy how much life changes. I used to be a kid who wanted to become a professional Madness Combat animator & game designer. Now I'm a 20 year old guy with no clear direction in life. I'm being molded by society into becoming an uncreative, dull person who works a typical 9-5 job.

I don't really think anyone's going to read this. Given the lack of activity on my part, it wouldn't surprise me at all. But in the off-chance that anyone stumbles upon this text: thank you so much for reading. It means a lot to me getting this all off my chest.

Before I go

I have a few animated tests that I want to show you. They're nothing special. Most of them are pretty old. But I do want to show you guys that I've been somewhat active even if I haven't been active here. I hope you guys like them.

1. http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/e0db92bef3593d8d4e305fe48b1fd9fd

2. http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/5c1af38daac2b3a4d0086645b343ce2c

3. http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/a09f9fcf88ebf15ca58d82e10f4cf2b1

4. http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/e39f1d818ac485cb67f623834ad2800e

5. http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/0d58bb686d8515e902ba98e344aac7fa

6. http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/9422a33d77e19e8b9e8729166bebe502

If you want to contact me or see what I've been up to these past few years, here are some links to websites that I am active on daily...

YouTube - http://youtube.com/user/ludabaws

Twitter - https://twitter.com/LudaBaws

Steam - http://steamcommunity.com/id/790391039329

Thank you guys for everything...

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bodvik 2016-10-12 07:31:50

I feel ya. I miss 2008-2009. I just spent all day watching madness here without worry in the world.

Johannesson 2016-10-12 07:31:50

That actually sounds so relaxing. I might have to do that sometime...

Spaderz 2016-10-12 08:15:50

Heey... i remember You! and yeah... life is a real bitch ain't it? it seems like the best times we have we take for granted and what we're left with is just.... FUCKING..... Shit. i can relate to you alot in your current situation to; not so depression wise but definitely anxiety, i haven't been feeling like myself in a pretty long time now; hard to tell what it is but hopefully someday i'll feel like myself again and be on the right track; it's also nice to get this shit off your chest to; wether it'd be a blog like this or disscussing it with your bros / broettes.

Your tests are also pretty nice to! :D especially the "Hank Vs . Tricky" one, love how the 1911 shoots tricky in the fucking face after he dies; great stuff!

Keep a stiff lower lip ' bud, things'll get better, i know that phrase usually doesn't mean jackshit in certain peoples ' situations but it's good to have a hairline of hope in the life of shit.

Johannesson 2016-10-12 08:15:50 (Updated 2016-10-12 09:39:34)

Spaderz! Glad to see you're still here.

I really appreciate the kind words, man. I wasn't expecting anyone to read this post. I assumed since I was gone for so long that people would have forgotten who I was by now. It's nice to be remembered in a sense. :D

How are things? What have you been up to these past few years? Oh, and sorry about the whole anxiety business. That stuff really messes with your head a lot and it sucks...

GabrielBarsch 2016-10-12 17:13:14

I Subscrubed to your youtube channel

GabrielBarsch 2016-10-12 17:17:04

life gets better
it always does
keep it up

Johannesson 2016-10-12 17:17:04

It sure does. I know what I'm experiencing is temporary, but it still does get you down. Glad to see you're still alive & kicking on this website. I absolutely love the newer ones you put out not too long ago!

Spaderz 2016-10-13 12:42:28

You're very welcome, And me? i been aaaiight; aside from the occasional anxiety horseshit Lol; most days i just feel zombified or like a puppet. it's shitbull.

So0o most day's i've been sleeping, doing the occasional animation; what not, =P

Johannesson 2016-10-13 12:42:28

That sucks, man. I know how you feel.
I'm happy to hear you're still into animating, though! We need more creative people on this earth :D

nggangsterpimp 2016-10-14 05:12:49

that animation is the bomb, you still got it going on in that department.

Yes I am still slightly active. My most amount of activity is always around Madness Day when I dedicate time to seeing all the animation, reviewing many of them, and seeing how the community has been going nowadays. It's mostly czheck animators now it would seem, but they keep tightly knit and get out a lot of content. I am glad the scene is still around.

The madness scene, and newgrounds itself, definitely holds a special place in my heart too. 2007-2009 were some of the best times in my younger years. even in late 2008-2009 when I started hanging with in real life friends a lot I was still here and having a good time as well. It won't ever be the same. It holds special nostalgia for me and the online friends I keep in touch with. You are not the only one.

Life has definitely been ups and downs for me too. Anxiety is a fucking cunt. Anxiety is a REEEAAALLL god damned son of s bitch. But my buddies understand and help me through it. I am not sure if I'd go as afar as depression, but I feel most of the time I don't enjoy things like I used to, which includes video games. I can get back to vaporizing marijuana again soon and I feel that will help to relieve some of the tension in my life. It's quite therapeutic.

Keep in touch buddy. You can talk to me if you need to. I really hope things start to look up for you.

Johannesson 2016-10-14 05:12:49

Glad to hear you're still around in a sense. Newgrounds really is a magical place, isn't it? Even if it's not as active or relevant as it once was, it's still fun to see how the website is holding up and what the "old" guys from the MC community are up to.

Oh, and I'm glad you liked those animation tests. I've been thinking about getting back into animation and making a cartoon series. I have been playing around with a bunch of ideas and have it be around 3 episodes long and has a story to it. I'm not sure what it's going to be about yet, but I want to animate it in "Madness form" and make it original (kinda like how LittleLuckyLink did with his zombie series).

I'm sorry to hear about your anxiety. I know how fucked that whole situation is based on experience. It totally ruins your character in a way.

And sure, I will do. Thank you for the kind words, man. :)

GabrielBarsch 2017-09-12 12:01:06

i lov your meme channel
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIZgu8BymTA
dankiest shit ever

Long time no see...

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