I rarely visit this website nowadays (that's not really news, I haven't been active since '11 or '12), but this place keeps drawing me back for some reason. I like to check on all the old age Madness animators who used to be active back in '08-'09. It's interesting to see how their life has progressed and if they're still active on this website. I don't know... Newgrounds holds a very special place in my heart. The Madness community inspired me to animate at a young age, and all the memories of starting new projects, scrapping them, starting new ones again etc... I don't know, there was something magical about that time in my life.
I find myself nostalgic about 2008-2009 & wishing I could go back to that time. The passion I had for animating (even though I wasn't good at it) and trying my absolute hardest to fit into the community. And just life in general, really. I feel like I had a whole different kind of energy back then as a kid.
Now everything seems gloomy & stressful. Depression and anxiety is slowly taking over my life. I haven't felt truly happy in a very long time. I don't really have anyone to talk about this with. Don't get me wrong, I have friends and I love them to death. But they wouldn't understand. I don't want to burden them with my feelings, and even though they might be supportive at first, there's always a breaking point where you don't really want to associate with someone who cries to you all the time.
It's crazy how much life changes. I used to be a kid who wanted to become a professional Madness Combat animator & game designer. Now I'm a 20 year old guy with no clear direction in life. I'm being molded by society into becoming an uncreative, dull person who works a typical 9-5 job.
I don't really think anyone's going to read this. Given the lack of activity on my part, it wouldn't surprise me at all. But in the off-chance that anyone stumbles upon this text: thank you so much for reading. It means a lot to me getting this all off my chest.
Before I go
I have a few animated tests that I want to show you. They're nothing special. Most of them are pretty old. But I do want to show you guys that I've been somewhat active even if I haven't been active here. I hope you guys like them.
If you want to contact me or see what I've been up to these past few years, here are some links to websites that I am active on daily...
YouTube - http://youtube.com/user/ludabaws
Twitter - https://twitter.com/LudaBaws
Thank you guys for everything...